I don't want to go to school

Ee Rynn: mommy, I don't want to go to school.
Mommy: why Ee Rynn?
Ee Rynn: because I don't like 'Wong lau shi', means teacher Wong. This is her new teacher.

I am thinking how should I address this issue. I choose to understand her intention first.

Mommy: Ee Rynn, mommy understand u had a new teacher recently. But why don't u like teacher Wong?
Ee Rynn: because I want to stay at home. I have lots of things to do at home.

Now I know she wants to stay home and play. Not so much the teacher that she don't like.

Mommy: Yes, I understand you have lots of things to do. However, choosing not to go to school because you don't like the teacher or you want to stay at home isn't the right reason. We go to school to learn, like how u learn Bahasa, Maths, English and Mandarin. Going to school means we have fun with our friends, like you have your best friends Ariel n Amanda.

Ee Rynn: Yes, but I still don't want to go to school. I like to stay home and do my work.
Mommy: cracking her head!!

Mommy: I remember last time, mommy don't like a colleague at work. But I can't choose not to go to work. This is simply because mommy understand why I go to work. It's to learn to earn money, to have friends (colleagues), to share happiness, play with my friends, to learn new things and to meet new friends (customers).

So Ee Rynn, you will have things that you don't like, but your reason to go to school is to learn so you become clever right? And you still get to play with your friend, right? I keep quiet.

Ee Rynn: ok, mommy.

I feel this conversation will go on for a few times before she learns to:

1. Understand that it's important to see the objective of certain things and not to give up half way.
2. Handle her own emotions when it is getting tough to achieve the objective.

The good news is I am there for her for every tough conversation she might brings up next time.
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First Daddy & Mommy Drawing

This is EeRynn's first drawing on daddy & mommy :>

Conversation with Ee Rynn

January 19, 2012 - At home

As I was having lunch with EeRynn, she drop n spill her rice n vege on our dining chair again. We have spots all over the chair by now.

Mommy ( in stern face ) : EeRynn, mommy always remind you to put the spoon properly into your mouth. Now, another stain on this chair.. I cleaned the chair.
EeRynn was watching silently.
After I cleaned the chair, EeRynn said this : mommy, I am sorry, I don't mean to spill on the chair. Don't be so sad. I am sorry.
OMG!! I have tears in my eyes.. Giving her a big hug apologizing that I have raise my voice n promised I will say properly next time.

She's a sensitive girl..

Conversation with Ee Rynn

Daddy : Dear, did u bring Ee Wern's medical card?

Mommy : Yes, dear.

EeRynn : Daddy, why u call mommy DEER? it's an animal!!!

So cute :>

Conversation with Ee Rynn

EeRynn : mommy, daddy said u can play with me IF U HAVE TIME

(uneasy n asking myself did i forget to spend time with her) So I carry cranky Ee Wern together n she sat down on her desk n make art n craft

Mommy : (trying to justify) EeRynn remember in Singapore, mommy bring u to pool every day?
EeRynn : nodding.. Mommy brings Ee Wern together to pool right?

Mommy : it hit me right away. What she's asking from me is my ONE to ONE time with her, not arranging n scheduling on bringing her to do things she likes. Immediately, I pass Ee Wern to daddy n focus doing art n craft with her. Daddy's turn to soothe baby.

I made her a card n she made me one :-)

Conversation with EeRynn on Values

We decided to send EeRynn to speech & drama class this holiday. She's animated and expressive at home. So we want to explore how far this talent will go. We wanted to provide her an opportunity to learn about teamwork & social skills too. She's going to 5 to 8 years old class.

The first day was fun for her. She has her friend Ariel came along too. It was fun until the game called 'Zombie' was introduce. It was a chasing game where a monster chasing a victim so the victim can be anew monster and chase for anothere child. She broke down, crying on second day and teacher manage to calm her down. Since then, she kept telling me she don't want to continue. I am glad that I wasn't there when she cry. Let me explain. I knew it's important for her to learn to manage her emotions on uncomfortable situation. She's doing pretty alright as she stop crying and chatting with the assistant teacher in the class. When the 'zombie' game ended, she joined the group for other activities.

I knew I needed to hold a conversation with her that night so she would continue for the 3rd day. She started to tell me she don't want to continue for the 3rd day, which is also the last day. At first, my respond was to encourage her that it's alright and she can tell the teacher she don't want to play the 'zombie' game. EeRynn is a persistent child. She continue to tell me her refusal until deadlock. I kept quite. I choose an easy way out. I asked her to tell her father. But deep in my heart, I knew I need to handle it.

On 3rd day, she came to me sobbing telling me she don't want to attend the class. First I use peer pressure saying her friend Ariel was in the class. It doesn't work. That moment, I knew I need to hold an eye to eye conversation with her despite her sobbing. I asked her to look into my eyes and I said : EeRynn, today is the last class and you have performance. Your friend needed you to put the show together. Mommy has said that you can tell the teacher if you don't like to 'Zombie' game. It's OK. More importantly, we don't do things half way, when we started something, we need to finish it. And today is the last day. Please go into the class and continue.

She's still sobbing but I think she sense the seriousness of the matter. She brave herself and walked back to the class.

As a mom, I am not sure how much she gets the point as a 4 years old. I am glad I did tell her what I think because being truthful and loving is what we should demonstrate as parents. It can be hurtful to them but I choose to have them learnt from me than from stranger. Because learning from us is a safety net. She can be vulnerable and we can accept just who she's when she's vulnerable. That's an encouragement by itself.

She continue the class until the performance. I can sees that she is OK.

For me, I learnt to be truthful and honest to her is the best solution. Being truthful and honest reveal to her that her mommy is transparent hence she will know I am sincere in our relationship.

I am glad I learnt this lesson now when she is 4 years old.

Looking for Primary One School

Year end approaching and my eldest daughter will be 5 years old next year. It's time looking for primary one school for registration.

There are some question we asked ourselves whether to send her to national school (kebangsaan or jenis kebangsaan), private school or home school? One clear differentiation is national school is free education and private is not. Some thoughts we have :

1. What type of friends she will have in school? We came to conclusion that it's the area where the school is. As she starts to go to school, peer influence will exist. External influence is something we can't control. Therefore, we are building trust and communication habits at home. This will allow her to channel her thoughts to us when she comes back from school.

2. Is money a real concern? As the school fees in private go by semester, it looks small after breakdown by 3 months. The only factor that hold us back is, if private school, it's using national syllabus and maths & science is in BM except some school use Singapore syllabus concurrently. So why private?

3. We are the parents who believe in supplementing our child outdoor activities on top what the school provide. Because we believe we are building relationship while supporting her along the way. One of the reason of sending to private is the wholesome plan provided in the timetable, academic & extra curricular. If we send her to national school, we can supplement her extra curricular in the afternoon. So? Again no appealing reason yet to send her to private school.

4. I think if control is something we want, private school might be the choice. The perception is, if we as consumer pay, we will have rights to voice our concern when our child is not progressing well. Is that something parents do for their private school going children?

5. I was told, type of principal in the school is important. They determine the culture practice in school. To certain extent, I know this is true. If the principal is a loving principal, the teachers will follows.

I think end of the day, we choose based on informations that matches our family needs. Perhaps location is important for working parents either near their work place or baby sitter place. For full time mom, traffic might be a concern as stuck in traffic jam in the morning or afternoon is not fun :>

We knew this is a process..