God has clearly told Adam and Eve about what they could do at Garden of Eden. He also told them the consequence if they chose to disobey the rules.
As parents, we often set limit to our children too. Often, our children ask why we set limit to them and make their life difficult. It's parents' responsibility to set limits of behavior for their children, like God's limit to Adam and Eve.
In Dr James Dobson's book 'Discipline with Love', setting limits should be done in a firm and loving way. The limits should be told in a gentle and firm tone so our children understand the limit. Set clear limits and allow appropriate consequences to follow all behavior being good or bad. The good news is that the consequence comes from home and not outside world. Home should be a child first experience in limits and consequence. Upon implementation of the limits, parents may observed tantrums with tears or listened to angry argument. The best response to this dissatisfaction is firm but loving determination.
Setting limits work exceptionally well for me. I found out that it's important for parents to follow through with what we have said on a consistent basis without anger or high emotion. I have personally changed over the years (have been praying to ask Him to remove my anger and replace it with His wisdom and love) to manage my reaction and my anger to disobedient. I have seen changes to the outcome when I am calm, firm, loving and gentle towards my children tantrums.
According to the Lesson 5 in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) class, limits act like a 'security fence' for your children, helping her feel safe. The child who often tests the limits wants to know if her boundaries are securely in place. This is what I did and work well for me and has built trust between me and my children:-
1. Draw boundaries in a positive and loving manner
The child must know what is the boundaries. It's made know to them age appropriately.
Example: The child is throwing tantrum and reluctant to go to bed >> I know how you feel but it's your sleeping time now. You have to clean up now. I would repeatedly said it irregardless her tantrums. I will held her in my arm gently and lovingly and look into her eyes and said it.
2. Give logical age appropriate explanation
Example: Please buckle in your car seat so you will be safely protected. Please brush your teeth twice a day so your teeth and mouth are clean. Please apply sunblock before you head to the beach so your skin is protected.
3. Have eye contact and get her full attention when giving an instruction.
Example: Look at me, make sure you stay right with me at the exhibition hall. Come here sweetheart (hold them gently), mommy want you to clean up your mess.
4. Give praise
Whenever my child put in effort to demonstrate good behavior, I will praise them. They want parents' approval all the time.
Example: I can see you put in effort to...., you have helped me with... I am so glad to have you as my daughter/son..., you have clear the dining table, thanks for helping me...
Over the years, my children know that the boundaries we established is out of love and not to make their life difficult. My children know their boundaries are securely in place. We are very careful in setting age appropriate and reasonable boundaries. We are still being test by them daily. But the different is they accept with less tantrum and power struggle. They have learnt what is the acceptable behaviors at home. As consequence of that, they thrive in their daily life. We hope when they grow up, they will eventually set a wise limit for themselves.
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