We decided to send EeRynn to speech & drama class this holiday. She's animated and expressive at home. So we want to explore how far this talent will go. We wanted to provide her an opportunity to learn about teamwork & social skills too. She's going to 5 to 8 years old class.
The first day was fun for her. She has her friend Ariel came along too. It was fun until the game called 'Zombie' was introduce. It was a chasing game where a monster chasing a victim so the victim can be anew monster and chase for anothere child. She broke down, crying on second day and teacher manage to calm her down. Since then, she kept telling me she don't want to continue. I am glad that I wasn't there when she cry. Let me explain. I knew it's important for her to learn to manage her emotions on uncomfortable situation. She's doing pretty alright as she stop crying and chatting with the assistant teacher in the class. When the 'zombie' game ended, she joined the group for other activities.
I knew I needed to hold a conversation with her that night so she would continue for the 3rd day. She started to tell me she don't want to continue for the 3rd day, which is also the last day. At first, my respond was to encourage her that it's alright and she can tell the teacher she don't want to play the 'zombie' game. EeRynn is a persistent child. She continue to tell me her refusal until deadlock. I kept quite. I choose an easy way out. I asked her to tell her father. But deep in my heart, I knew I need to handle it.
On 3rd day, she came to me sobbing telling me she don't want to attend the class. First I use peer pressure saying her friend Ariel was in the class. It doesn't work. That moment, I knew I need to hold an eye to eye conversation with her despite her sobbing. I asked her to look into my eyes and I said : EeRynn, today is the last class and you have performance. Your friend needed you to put the show together. Mommy has said that you can tell the teacher if you don't like to 'Zombie' game. It's OK. More importantly, we don't do things half way, when we started something, we need to finish it. And today is the last day. Please go into the class and continue.
She's still sobbing but I think she sense the seriousness of the matter. She brave herself and walked back to the class.
As a mom, I am not sure how much she gets the point as a 4 years old. I am glad I did tell her what I think because being truthful and loving is what we should demonstrate as parents. It can be hurtful to them but I choose to have them learnt from me than from stranger. Because learning from us is a safety net. She can be vulnerable and we can accept just who she's when she's vulnerable. That's an encouragement by itself.
She continue the class until the performance. I can sees that she is OK.
For me, I learnt to be truthful and honest to her is the best solution. Being truthful and honest reveal to her that her mommy is transparent hence she will know I am sincere in our relationship.
I am glad I learnt this lesson now when she is 4 years old.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Looking for Primary One School
Year end approaching and my eldest daughter will be 5 years old next year. It's time looking for primary one school for registration.
There are some question we asked ourselves whether to send her to national school (kebangsaan or jenis kebangsaan), private school or home school? One clear differentiation is national school is free education and private is not. Some thoughts we have :
1. What type of friends she will have in school? We came to conclusion that it's the area where the school is. As she starts to go to school, peer influence will exist. External influence is something we can't control. Therefore, we are building trust and communication habits at home. This will allow her to channel her thoughts to us when she comes back from school.
2. Is money a real concern? As the school fees in private go by semester, it looks small after breakdown by 3 months. The only factor that hold us back is, if private school, it's using national syllabus and maths & science is in BM except some school use Singapore syllabus concurrently. So why private?
3. We are the parents who believe in supplementing our child outdoor activities on top what the school provide. Because we believe we are building relationship while supporting her along the way. One of the reason of sending to private is the wholesome plan provided in the timetable, academic & extra curricular. If we send her to national school, we can supplement her extra curricular in the afternoon. So? Again no appealing reason yet to send her to private school.
4. I think if control is something we want, private school might be the choice. The perception is, if we as consumer pay, we will have rights to voice our concern when our child is not progressing well. Is that something parents do for their private school going children?
5. I was told, type of principal in the school is important. They determine the culture practice in school. To certain extent, I know this is true. If the principal is a loving principal, the teachers will follows.
I think end of the day, we choose based on informations that matches our family needs. Perhaps location is important for working parents either near their work place or baby sitter place. For full time mom, traffic might be a concern as stuck in traffic jam in the morning or afternoon is not fun :>
We knew this is a process..
There are some question we asked ourselves whether to send her to national school (kebangsaan or jenis kebangsaan), private school or home school? One clear differentiation is national school is free education and private is not. Some thoughts we have :
1. What type of friends she will have in school? We came to conclusion that it's the area where the school is. As she starts to go to school, peer influence will exist. External influence is something we can't control. Therefore, we are building trust and communication habits at home. This will allow her to channel her thoughts to us when she comes back from school.
2. Is money a real concern? As the school fees in private go by semester, it looks small after breakdown by 3 months. The only factor that hold us back is, if private school, it's using national syllabus and maths & science is in BM except some school use Singapore syllabus concurrently. So why private?
3. We are the parents who believe in supplementing our child outdoor activities on top what the school provide. Because we believe we are building relationship while supporting her along the way. One of the reason of sending to private is the wholesome plan provided in the timetable, academic & extra curricular. If we send her to national school, we can supplement her extra curricular in the afternoon. So? Again no appealing reason yet to send her to private school.
4. I think if control is something we want, private school might be the choice. The perception is, if we as consumer pay, we will have rights to voice our concern when our child is not progressing well. Is that something parents do for their private school going children?
5. I was told, type of principal in the school is important. They determine the culture practice in school. To certain extent, I know this is true. If the principal is a loving principal, the teachers will follows.
I think end of the day, we choose based on informations that matches our family needs. Perhaps location is important for working parents either near their work place or baby sitter place. For full time mom, traffic might be a concern as stuck in traffic jam in the morning or afternoon is not fun :>
We knew this is a process..
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Empowerment - the good and the bad
This is a big topic for parenting. As a mom, I asked myself in our daily activity whether I should empower her in this or that.
I come to realization that empowerment bring lots of benefit to children as early as 3 years old. I have started to empower EeRynn to walk up the stairs at 24 months. I have started to wean her from bottle to cup at 18 months and let her spill and coordinate her hand for cup feeding. I have empowered her to sense her urge to pass motion and not force her to sit on potty to form the toilet habit. I have empowered her to choose what she wants to do during her free time. Recently, I have empower her to choose not to have afternoon nap after school even I knew she's tired.
All these empowerment comes with joy and pain. Joy is seeing her enjoying as she gets what she wants. The benefit that comes along is her self esteem & self confident increased, ability to control her emotions in new environment, ability to learn to bear with the consequence that comes with her choices. I enjoyed seeing her growing as a confident 4 years old child.
The pain is when she fell and mommy has to bear the blame of allowing her to practice her coordination too early. The pain is when she spill the milk and I have to do the cleaning up. The pain is when she's constipated because she holds from going to toilet and chooses to play. The pain is to handle her crankiness when she's too tired to feed herself during dinner because no afternoon nap.
I realised the most important things as parents are to control our expression & emotions when our children are struggling with the consequence of their decision. As a mom, I have choose to explain to her when she's frustrated coping with the circumstances from her decision and help her to cope better like offering one or two solutions at 4 years old capacity.
For example, it took me a while to let her understand that if she holds her pooh pooh and continue to play, she will get constipated instead. It was painful when constipation happens to her but the reality discipline has made her understand the linkage between the 2. I make sure I am there to support her when she's in pain passing motion and to comfort her and subtly explain to her so she understand. Good news is she goes to toilet promptly when she needs to now.
My journey raising her has been meaningful and I hope God will continue to watch over us and we will be BFF.
I come to realization that empowerment bring lots of benefit to children as early as 3 years old. I have started to empower EeRynn to walk up the stairs at 24 months. I have started to wean her from bottle to cup at 18 months and let her spill and coordinate her hand for cup feeding. I have empowered her to sense her urge to pass motion and not force her to sit on potty to form the toilet habit. I have empowered her to choose what she wants to do during her free time. Recently, I have empower her to choose not to have afternoon nap after school even I knew she's tired.
All these empowerment comes with joy and pain. Joy is seeing her enjoying as she gets what she wants. The benefit that comes along is her self esteem & self confident increased, ability to control her emotions in new environment, ability to learn to bear with the consequence that comes with her choices. I enjoyed seeing her growing as a confident 4 years old child.
The pain is when she fell and mommy has to bear the blame of allowing her to practice her coordination too early. The pain is when she spill the milk and I have to do the cleaning up. The pain is when she's constipated because she holds from going to toilet and chooses to play. The pain is to handle her crankiness when she's too tired to feed herself during dinner because no afternoon nap.
I realised the most important things as parents are to control our expression & emotions when our children are struggling with the consequence of their decision. As a mom, I have choose to explain to her when she's frustrated coping with the circumstances from her decision and help her to cope better like offering one or two solutions at 4 years old capacity.
For example, it took me a while to let her understand that if she holds her pooh pooh and continue to play, she will get constipated instead. It was painful when constipation happens to her but the reality discipline has made her understand the linkage between the 2. I make sure I am there to support her when she's in pain passing motion and to comfort her and subtly explain to her so she understand. Good news is she goes to toilet promptly when she needs to now.
My journey raising her has been meaningful and I hope God will continue to watch over us and we will be BFF.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Relationship
We always think that we have spend lots of time together. We never been separated since we knew each other 10 years ago. The day we knew each other, we do things together all the time.
Throughout the years, we are very good in hiding our weakness because my weakness is his strength and his weakness is my strength. Recently, he has took up an oversea assignment.
We learnt so much about ourselves. As we cannot rely on each other daily (physically), we become stronger. We trust each other even more and we take each words from each other seriously. We count blessing everyday as we learnt new things about ourselves daily. He said this short term arrangement allowing us to set up a discipline for ourselves. Once we find our own voices and discipline, we will achieve more in life for ourselves and for our family.
This distance allowing us to appreciate each other, and bringing both us together to discuss on future for family more.. We sees it as a blessing because our relationship is growing stronger by day. I wish and hope God will protect him when he's away from home and hold us stronger together.
Throughout the years, we are very good in hiding our weakness because my weakness is his strength and his weakness is my strength. Recently, he has took up an oversea assignment.
We learnt so much about ourselves. As we cannot rely on each other daily (physically), we become stronger. We trust each other even more and we take each words from each other seriously. We count blessing everyday as we learnt new things about ourselves daily. He said this short term arrangement allowing us to set up a discipline for ourselves. Once we find our own voices and discipline, we will achieve more in life for ourselves and for our family.
This distance allowing us to appreciate each other, and bringing both us together to discuss on future for family more.. We sees it as a blessing because our relationship is growing stronger by day. I wish and hope God will protect him when he's away from home and hold us stronger together.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sleeping battle..
Sleeping every night has been test for me since we moved to our new place. EeRynn's room is bigger and she's older and learns more trick to delay going to bed.
Since she started school this year, I have made sure she gets 8 hours sleep so she wakes up fresh in the morning. Initially, habit is form and it's easy. Holiday cames, sleeping habit has changed. Objective after every holiday is to ensure she goes back to her sleeping habits. :> Am I crazy or mean or what?
Her sleeping pattern has changed from 930pm to 10pm to 1030pm to 11pm and sometimes 1130pm. I am frustrated. Of course, I gave in some nights because I feel I am too mean. I am thinking, I will not sleep if I am not tired, so why force her anyway. Oh, this thinking is dangerous. Because we have conscience to be accountable the next morning, a 4 years old don't. A 4 years old child will continue to sleep anyway, irregardless. The next morning, I will be sitting beside her feeling guilty and pity.
It has prolonged for more than 6 months. She will come out from her room pretending asking a lot of questions. The real reason is she needs attention and curious on things we do after she is gone to bed.
Tonight is the night. I have promise myself to draw my boundaries. I have stop threatening her on punishment. She came out earlier and I bring her to stand corner (alone) without any question ask. Previously, I will send her back and ask her don't come out anymore and warn her on punishment. Subsequently, she said she wants to pass motion and I send her to toilet without saying a word or show any sign of dissatisfaction. After 5 minutes, she shouted saying that there's nothing and she wants to come out from her toilet. So I told her to wait as a punishment. She started screaming and crying. After 2 minutes, I brought her out and she went to her bed without any hesitation.
I am at peace tonight.
Oh no, she is standing behind me know. I show her my firm expression and send her back to her room. She's whining.
I hope she will sleep by now...
Since she started school this year, I have made sure she gets 8 hours sleep so she wakes up fresh in the morning. Initially, habit is form and it's easy. Holiday cames, sleeping habit has changed. Objective after every holiday is to ensure she goes back to her sleeping habits. :> Am I crazy or mean or what?
Her sleeping pattern has changed from 930pm to 10pm to 1030pm to 11pm and sometimes 1130pm. I am frustrated. Of course, I gave in some nights because I feel I am too mean. I am thinking, I will not sleep if I am not tired, so why force her anyway. Oh, this thinking is dangerous. Because we have conscience to be accountable the next morning, a 4 years old don't. A 4 years old child will continue to sleep anyway, irregardless. The next morning, I will be sitting beside her feeling guilty and pity.
It has prolonged for more than 6 months. She will come out from her room pretending asking a lot of questions. The real reason is she needs attention and curious on things we do after she is gone to bed.
Tonight is the night. I have promise myself to draw my boundaries. I have stop threatening her on punishment. She came out earlier and I bring her to stand corner (alone) without any question ask. Previously, I will send her back and ask her don't come out anymore and warn her on punishment. Subsequently, she said she wants to pass motion and I send her to toilet without saying a word or show any sign of dissatisfaction. After 5 minutes, she shouted saying that there's nothing and she wants to come out from her toilet. So I told her to wait as a punishment. She started screaming and crying. After 2 minutes, I brought her out and she went to her bed without any hesitation.
I am at peace tonight.
Oh no, she is standing behind me know. I show her my firm expression and send her back to her room. She's whining.
I hope she will sleep by now...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Recognition in School
I wonder how parent cope with this question : Mommy/Daddy, why teacher gave me one star on this page but 3 stars on another page of my workbook? I feel it's a tough to answer this question.
If I get into correction mode, spotting flaws eg. because you colour this bear bear pink instead of brown, eventually she will get the message that I am never too good in my homework. And I don't want her to rely her self esteem on the number of stars she gets.
Self esteem is an insider job. I want her to feel good when she knows she perservere to finish her homework. Or when she learn new things or when she learn new skills or when she accomplish her goal.
If you want to share any opinion on this article, drop me an email :>
If I get into correction mode, spotting flaws eg. because you colour this bear bear pink instead of brown, eventually she will get the message that I am never too good in my homework. And I don't want her to rely her self esteem on the number of stars she gets.
Self esteem is an insider job. I want her to feel good when she knows she perservere to finish her homework. Or when she learn new things or when she learn new skills or when she accomplish her goal.
If you want to share any opinion on this article, drop me an email :>
EeRynn don't want to go to school
This morning EeRynn woke up and said she want to go to her grandmother's house.
Mommy : Why EeRynn?
EeRynn : Because I want to play and I don't like school
Mommy : Why don't you like school?
EeRynn : Because I don't like practice for concert. It's very tired.
Mommy : Emm, why not mommy watch your practice today? Let mommy ask Ms Fidza whether I can be there today, OK?
EeRynn : OK
I am thinking, this is her first time going through a form of discipline, consistent practice to achieve something. How do I encourage her the concept of perserverance? If you have good idea that work for you before, please send me a note.
Thanks!
Mommy : Why EeRynn?
EeRynn : Because I want to play and I don't like school
Mommy : Why don't you like school?
EeRynn : Because I don't like practice for concert. It's very tired.
Mommy : Emm, why not mommy watch your practice today? Let mommy ask Ms Fidza whether I can be there today, OK?
EeRynn : OK
I am thinking, this is her first time going through a form of discipline, consistent practice to achieve something. How do I encourage her the concept of perserverance? If you have good idea that work for you before, please send me a note.
Thanks!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Crossroad
As I am serving my notice ( my resignation ), people starts to ask me what am I going to do with my time. Frankly, I really don't know yet. Stated clearly in the title.
I realized people in the society is so use to tag themselve with a career suit.. " I am a Sales Manager with ....." It's so hard to create an identity without a corporate figure or profession.
As I am writting my own JD now, it requires me to squeeze my brain juice to create a life that I want, I always wants. It's like writting a set of discipline I need to go through every day so I can get what I dreamt of. Similarly in corporate career, we always been hired with a sets of JD. We just need to perform. The good thing with a job is the months that we don't perform, we still have our basic.
It took me a lot of courage to tender resignation on a career that's promising, very promising. But after reading this article in Fortune magazine, it has inspire me to press on and to reinvent my self to achieve greater success. If you want to read more about the article, go to Asia Pacific Edition, July 4, 2011, number 9.
After reading, I have made a promise that I will make my decision right and that I am going places and I will make it work for me & my family.
I realized people in the society is so use to tag themselve with a career suit.. " I am a Sales Manager with ....." It's so hard to create an identity without a corporate figure or profession.
As I am writting my own JD now, it requires me to squeeze my brain juice to create a life that I want, I always wants. It's like writting a set of discipline I need to go through every day so I can get what I dreamt of. Similarly in corporate career, we always been hired with a sets of JD. We just need to perform. The good thing with a job is the months that we don't perform, we still have our basic.
It took me a lot of courage to tender resignation on a career that's promising, very promising. But after reading this article in Fortune magazine, it has inspire me to press on and to reinvent my self to achieve greater success. If you want to read more about the article, go to Asia Pacific Edition, July 4, 2011, number 9.
After reading, I have made a promise that I will make my decision right and that I am going places and I will make it work for me & my family.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Distance Support
My husband called tonight. He was very excited. Tell me he found a nice place to stay.
We are very use making decision together after seeing actual item that we buy. This time is different. He's oversea and he called back. Initially I have differ opinion. But my inner voice tell me that I should support him instead.
When I told him that I will support him, I am at peace.
I am glad God send me this message.
God is Good. Amen
We are very use making decision together after seeing actual item that we buy. This time is different. He's oversea and he called back. Initially I have differ opinion. But my inner voice tell me that I should support him instead.
When I told him that I will support him, I am at peace.
I am glad God send me this message.
God is Good. Amen
Monday, May 2, 2011
Changing Mindset
It's time to chance my career to create & accumulate assets.
I am excited and anxious. But I think God has plan for us as a family. He gaves me a lot of time myself.
I am praying so he can guide & strengthen me in this new journey.
Amen..
I am excited and anxious. But I think God has plan for us as a family. He gaves me a lot of time myself.
I am praying so he can guide & strengthen me in this new journey.
Amen..
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