Since we moved to Netherlands in February, we have called this new place as home. At least for a few years. There are plenty to learn to live among the Dutch. These are some sharing on our experience so far.
Neighbour knows one another. We knew our neighbour right away. It feels home. It's a norm that neighbour help one another. Well, at least it's in my case. If one neighbour is away, it's common to have neighbour to help babysit the house. They called it 'house sitter'. Neighbors help each other babysit pet too. My neighbour ask me to take care of their house when they are away for summer holiday.
Kids are given the opportunity to roam around freely. It's very common to see Dutch kids playing at the playground or cycling on their own. They cycle or walk to play at their friends house. Children will appear at your doorstep and ask to play together. It's not that the parents don't care about them. But this is what it is. This has allowed them to manage themselves accordingly. Neighbours' kids will play at the playground and go home when it's dinner time. These are happy kids without much pressure. Most Dutch kids go to be at 1900pm. Except summer :-)
We see children cycle together with their parents as young as the age of 4. Unknowingly or knowingly, this has allowed the Dutch children to enjoy a sense of accomplishment at early age.
At times, I feel I am the only one who trying to discipline my kids with my constant nagging to behave in the public. At other times, I questioned myself if I have give enough much-needed freedom to my children, especially my 8 years old. However, I learn to relax and to let go. This is parenting Dutch style. Letting go.
They starting to enjoy the freedom to go to the playground on their own, after they ask for permission. They enjoy walking to the playground and cycling at the backyard on their own. Occasionally, I still checking in on them.
It feels good. They became better secure child. I become a secure mom too. They started to enjoy the sense of accomplishment that came with this independence. Living here also gave me the permission to stand back and give them more time to sort out their own battles and boundaries in the public. Because Dutch don't see their kids as a reflection of their parenting.
Parenting the east and the west way is never easy. I see it as interesting. Parenting the east way and living in the west is a skill to learn and to balance.
Checking the weather daily. We never do this in Singapore. Back home, we stay indoors during rainy days. We hide ourselves when the sun is burning hot, sometimes. But we never do that in Netherlands. Rain or shine, we are out. We check the weather daily to ensure the right clothing. Bad weather will not stop the locals to continue with their plan. Even the elderly or the disabled! We were at a jazz festival and saw many elderly and disabled people out enjoying themselves! Knowing the weather daily will allow right clothing to continue with daily planned activities. It was snowing when we arrived to Netherlands. It was very cold (to me, coming from Singapore) but that do not stop the kids to play outside. It's because they were in the right clothing.
Shopping habits. We are spoil with choices back home. So much to choose from. From the latest gadget to the latest fashion. It's not the case here. Dutch aren't that materialistic. Material possession is not in their dictionary. The kids grow up not equating happiness with material success. Hence, I am very happy as my kids do not demand to own certain material since we move here.
Gezellig. A Dutch word that can't be translated into English. It goes beyond the meaning of cozy. It's the combination of nice, beautiful, comfortable, relaxing and enjoyable. This word can be used everywhere. An evening outing with friends can be gezellig. Dinner with family in a restaurant can be gezellig. Picnic on the beach can be gezellig especially when the sun is out. Watching movie at home can be gezellig too.
Dutch are upfront people. They don't beat around the bush. Everyone is entitled to speak their mind. They will say it straight up and direct. They valued honestly and directness. To Dutch, we can be direct because they are so. As long as we are polite, it will go a long way.
Work life balance. We see fathers with their children at the playground at 1730pm. Shops close at 1800pm here. It's weird to stay back in the office after 1800pm. Spending time together as a family is a priority. Even on week day. Back home, we spend time together as a family mainly during the weekend. Here, we spend time together every day. We have plenty of time to chat. To know each other through conversations. It's contagious. Even my daughters love to have a meal at home and ask to spend time together. She said this: after playing outside, I want to be able to come home and spend time together. This is the Dutch way of life. It's getting into us.
Despite my best effort of integrating, there were something that I couldn't let go of.
Hagelslag and snoep. Chocolate sprinkles and candies. One thing that never get onto our dining table is chocolate sprinkles. Dutch kids enjoy their white bread smothered in butter and chocolate sprinkles. It's not in our menu. You can find a lot of candies here. All sort of shapes and sizes.
And about parents authorities. Boundaries remain as boundaries. My children know the boundaries.
Parenting among the Dutch here has allowed me to loosen the authority to give some much-needed freedom to my children, appreciate the culture that values family time together and not equate happiness with the latest must have material. The east side of me reminds me to emphasis on culture that has to be retained in the family. It's all about the balancing act.
