The life of parents changed overnight when movement control begun on 18th March 2020. There were many mix feeling floating in each household from Day 1. Can we cope working from home with children around us? How do we keep our sanity intact? How do we endure when differences arise? What do I do with my children 24/7? Am I equip to help my children with their online learning? How do I handle disobedience without breaking their internal motivation to complete their online work? Is my children competitive and deliver their best work? I am a hands-on mom, I can’t stop myself interfering and I think my children are upset me. My children want attention all the time, I am tired!
Certainly it isn’t easy to cope with many task at home. Working, cooking, washing after cooking and after meal and household chores that seems endless. How can we utilise this time so we can come out stronger and better as a family? Surely, everyone will but we will gain more if we are to be intentional in the journey.
A good start is to ask what they think about MCO. What are their current thought on what they have heard, see and experience. Conversation that you think is important to your family coping with the current situation. This could possibly help your children verbalise their feeling for the first time either positive or negative. It’s the best and safest place to share because you are the mom or dad. Share your feeling with them too. This will give the opportunity to your children to understand your feeling and frustration. Which means it help them to be aware that people around them have feeling too.
Subsequently, you may help to set up a learning space with them at home. This is an essential step because it help them psychologically to start a habit learning from home. Not only that, they know that the learning space is their learning station when there’s homework that needs to be done daily. It help to build habit of self directed learning subconsciously. I did that with my children and they thrived well. They took on their daily planning and online work from third day onwards.
This question came up when a mom asked how can she be a teacher and a mom at the same time? Certainly it isn’t easy to be both at the same time. I have experienced that my children don’t want me to be their teacher. They often said, ‘that is not what my teacher told me!” Do you feel the same way? I would like to suggest that we need to redefine our role in this MCO season. Perhaps your role is not a mother when comes to guiding your children on their home based learning. You may think of myself as a person who facilitate your children’s learning. A facilitator or a coach. When you are a coach, you will ask more directed question that allow your children to think for themselves. With this role in mind, you are able to facilitate their learning that will enable their innate ability to look for answer for themselves. Point it out possibilities on where they can find their help when they face challenges with their online learning. You will be guiding their thinking instead of jumping into their problem and solve it for them.
What about young children that don’t have home based learning? What do I do with them? They have endless energy, need attention and assistant all the time don’t they? My suggestion is to take this time to teach them life skills. Fast forward, don’t you want your children to clean after themselves, prepare a meal, put things back to where they originally from, chew with their mouth closed at dining table, make up their bed, fold their clothes, iron their clothes, run a laundry, organise their room, say please and thank you, be compassionate with family members and the list go on. That might sounds too good to be true or a lot to do! Whatever that is important to your family, it’s a good time to start them young in acquiring these positive life skills.
I remember we made a timetable together when my daughter was 4 years old. This timetable gave her a sense of routine. She is self-sufficient when she knew the routine. What comes out from it is that she felt secure all the time because the environment at home is predictable for her. This leads to emotional stability and less drama or tantrum at home. In the schedule, we weaved in small responsibilities. At the age of 4, she started folding her clothes, putting away her toys, helping in meal preparation and making up her bed. Fast forward, she ironed her clothes at the age of 10 and prepare meals for us occasionally without help. Small little steps help them acquire life skills that is useful when they leave home to further their studies in the future.
MCO has allowed parents to be more involved in their children’s life. This is also the time to build relationship with our children. Over the years, good relationship with our children is the foundation to all things. When we have good relationship with our children, it build trust & respect that leads to many good things as their life progress to different season. Parents should starts to enjoy being around their children. Perhaps a good way to start is to schedule one to one time. This is important because each child is special and unique. When we enjoy being around with them, we build relationship. When relationship is secured, we build trust. When trust is secured, they will trust us with their vulnerability in the course of their life. Isn’t that what parents longing for? Children that trust and respect parents irregardless season in their life?
For older children, choose a hobby or scheduled movie time or a scheduled tea time at a corner of your house or exercise routine or read a book or cook a meal together during this MCO season. Certainly this will deepen parent-child relationship. However, I want to highlight that the focus should also be allowing them to express themselves safely. Their thinking and their feeling. Your will be surprised that they start to feel comfortable and express themselves genuinely during the course of these activities. This is a stage of life where we can help them find vocabulary to safely express themselves to us. By equipping them with wide range vocabulary, it will build confident in their speaking ability into their adulthood. There are so much going on in their brain from their exposure to news, friends and the world. Through our regular dinner conversation, our family focus on conversations that build positive character eg. kindness, patience, compassion, resiliency, love and self-control into our children’s life. We are the model for our older children. Isn’t that wonderful if you know that you are given the opportunity to leave a footprint that last into your children’s adolescence years in this MCO season?
On a positive notes, this outbreak and the movement control has returned parenting responsibilities to each and every family since 18th March. It’s no longer teachers, grandparents, schools, or day care responsibility solely. My wish to all is we will come our stronger and wiser after this outbreak.
